$fac|2-Spiders! Aaaargh!
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$ffaAs  yer lot might know (well, Freak does), I have got a VERY BAD case of
Arachnaphobia...  no that's spelt wrong..  maybe its...

$fffAracknaphobia ....urmmm....or
$dddAraknophobia   ....hmmm... dunno....
$bbbAraknaphobia   ....

$affWell, in other words, I've got this thingy against spiders, and if I saw
$afeone/ten/thirty (if I saw 30, I'd f`kin run!), you can bet I'd DESTROY it
$afdwith one of my many arms which feature twin photon turrets which analyse
$afcand  autoconfig  themselves for the type of target I require to DESTROY.
$afbThere, I've let my secret out about my arms.  Hopefully no-one will hold
$afait against me.

$afaIf  they  did, I'd use one of my numerous legs to morph into a tank with
$bfaground-to-ground  missiles  and  some  ground-to-air missiles incase the
$cfaarmy  come  round to my house and try to dis-assemble my portable rocket
$dfalauncher that I have in my trousers just incase it is required.  When my
$efaleg  (from  an  arsnal  of  many I might add) has morphed into that much
$ffaproposed tank (because of the huge energy drain from my lithuim crystal,
$ffbwhich  I  need  to  be  at  full  power  when  I fight off the army) I'd
$ffcsteam-roller over that person that held the secret about my arms against
$ffdme.

Anyway, back to the article....

$ffeYeh,  is  it  the  time of year or summat ?  I haven't seen a spider for
$fffAGES (only at Freak's place =}) and guess wot !?

I saw THREE (yes!  3!) last night, in about a minute or so.

Then I ran (yes Freak, it is possible) to my Amiga and typed in

$faaRam Disk:> Code Name "Big Mutha" <RETURN>

$fffThen  my  miggy started to shake violently (like my brain after watching
$ffeNeighbours  -  whoops...  .  urmm...  I DON'T WATCH NEIGHBOURS !!!!) and
$ffdthere  was  a  big  glow  of  yellow  light  and  some squelching sounds
$ffc(oo-err!)  and  all these little elves jumped out of the CDROM drive and
$ffbstarted  to  pour some sparkly pixxy dust onto the keyboard, in which my
$ffamiggy started to shoot out beams of light.

$fafThe  room  went bright white and then the elves started to shout to each
other in elves' talk and they all jumped back into the CD drive.

Then the room started to fade back down to it's normal light level.

$ffaStood  there  right  in  front of me was a 6' 7" metalic big mutha quite
$efanice tats actually.  With the words "BIG MUTHA" written across them.

$dfaThen we went outside and wiped-out the army and conquered the earth.

$cfaAll because some bastard didn't like my arms.
$fff
                                  -=-

$acfSorry, I got carried away there.

$cafDoesn't  anyone know who to KILL (DESTROY) a spider without hitting them
with something hard (as the spider leaves a stain on the wall) ?

$fff         I still can't find out where the elves live in my drive

End...